H!P Funny of the Week - Favorite Pocket Mornings

The Doctor (right) and The Master (left)?

Countdown of my six (or rather, eight) favorite moments in H!P's Pocket Morning, translated by the awesome epifanes, Kuno, and Ro-kun on Hello!Online!

Note: I had to type some of the questions vaguely from memory since they are missing from the archives. The answers are still there, but the questions themselves seem to disappear sometimes.


6.) Zukki's sexism.

If you were a boy, what would you do?


Zukki: Climb up to the very top of a tree.

Source

5.) Why we should stop saying Rinapu fell on her face as a baby. Give her a break, guys!

If you had a time machine, would you go to the future? The past? Also, what would you do there?


Rinapu: I'd go to the future and confirm if I'm still alive.

Source

4.) Reina's into THAT kind of thing.

Something to introduce yourself with?


Reina: Tanaka Reina, the super-M inside a super-S. Sound good? (laughs)

Source

3.) Momo's obvious death wish.

If you could swap your voice with another Hello!Pro member's, whose voice would you choose?


Momo: Chinami ♪ I'd yell out "Momochi kawaii" in Chinami's voice, record it, and play it back over and over in front of Chinami!! Ahh~ that sounds like fun ♪

Source

If you had a time machine, would you go to the future? The past? Also, what would you do there?


Momo: I'd go to the time papa and mama met, and make fun of them like, "Fuu~ raburabu~♪"!

Source

2.) Introducing Sayu, the creeper. And what I think may be a subtle jab back at her from Riho.

If you were an animal, what would you be?


Sayu: Sayashi's hamster.

Source

If you could have a pet, what would you have?


Sayu: Sayashi... (laughs)
Riho: A cow.

Source

1.) Yossie's thinking of a TARDIS instead, I think. And I heart Mikitty's misanthropic nature.

If you had a time machine, where would you go?


Yossie: Africa.
Mikitty:　To the past, when there were no humans.

Source

Seriously, so many amazing things happen in this weekly questionnaire. And it provides fodder for fan jokes, like Sayu's unhealthy stalking obsession with Riho and the other younger members of H!P. There's so many funny moments, and I didn't put them all in because I didn't want to step on any toes (as it is, I hope I didn't quote too many...) So please read the Pocket Mornings, past and future on Hello!Online!

H!P Funny of the Week - Yurushite Nyan!

Momo and her young apprentice, 'Rook Norris.

Momo's latest catchphrase, "Yurushite Nyan," has reached meme status in H!P, just like Zukki's Butterfly. Nowadays, she rarely makes an appearance without it, which can actually be pretty annoying, like Kanyon's "Cinderella Revolution Bang Bang Bang Bang." So it's very entertaining when the other H!P girls take things into their own hands and smack her around for it. Reina's point and cackle when Sayu pushed Momo to the ground was epic.

I used to compare former Morning Musume member Koharu Kusumi to Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation because of how she annoyed fans by being treated like a gift from the gods by the people in charge, despite her inferior singing skills.

Well, Momo is H!P's Steve Urkel. Not only do they both share a nasally voice, but look at their catchphrases. "Yurushite Nyan" is an irritating way of apologizing. Steve Urkel: "Did I do that?" It's scary. But I bet Carl and Laura wished they could dropkick or smack Urkel like television hosts and fellow idols do to Momo! With Momo, her catchphrase is an excuse to abuse her! (And I love her all the more for it!)

H!P Funny of the Week - Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons

I love you, Yossie.

I mentioned Utaban clips as one of the series that originally endeared me to the girls of Hello!Project. Another was Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons. First I watched Aibon and Nono's lessons, but desired more! It really helped me memorize the faces of Morning Musume's Golden Era members and opened me up to trying out Minimoni and eventually the rest of Morning Musume (because of how entertaining Mari and Yossie were. Sadly, I learned Mari had already left the group by the time I watched those clips.)

I learned more than just how hilarious English sounds with a thick accent from a non-native speaker (apparently "frying" pigs are not a common occurrence in Japan, as it is in America.)

I learned that Nono's butt was lethal (a precursor to the Momo Attack?)

I learned that Mari is an aspiring exhibitionist (a precursor to that SMAP guy?) (Thanks, International Wota. XD)

I learned that idols are so underfed that they can surprise the audience with decent English, just to get a slice of damn cake (a precursor to K-Pop?)

I really recommend the series to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I've experienced its power of conversion firsthand, so it's totally something fans could show their friends to introduce them to H!P.

I think UFA may know this and that's why there are still Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons clips on YouTube from 2006 and 2007. Overseas fans don't come out of nowhere and I think subtitled clips are responsible for the health of the overseas fandom. Now if only they could simulcast Hello!Pro Time on Crunchyroll!

See, this is why people tease you, Mari.

1st Generation Butt Attacker Nono. Momo is 2nd Gen. Who will be the 3rd Gen? Meimei? Zukki?

It's not nice to pick on midgets, Ayaka.

H!P Funny of the Week - Manly Voice

New Morning Musume member Haruka Kudo is possibly the most boyish member H!P has ever had (even Yossie, fangirl favorite that she is, could still act the part of a classy lady.) Haruka also has a low, husky voice. H!P's first Brooklyn member? Nah, just Saitama, where Yossie's from. If Saitama females are this manly, I wonder what their men are like...

Anyway, I was really surprised and delighted when Zukki began impersonating the 10th generation with mock introductions (at about the 1:05 mark.) She really caught me off guard when she roared, "KUDO HARUKA DESU."

And then later, Kanon Fukuda of S/mileage (the Kanons of H!P are amazing) did the same thing while impersonating Haruka. Except it was even more epic, because she sounded like Bill Cosby's Fat Albert. I wish she would do a follow-up with a "Hey, hey, hey, I'm Haruka Kudo!"

HEY HEY HEY

I hope the posts on the forums are wrong about Kudo getting her revenge, because the Kanons are two of my favorites! They really liven up H!P, haha.

H!P Funny of the Week - Buggy

THE BUTTERFLY

Zukki is a complete nut. When she was first introduced in the auditions, superficially I didn't like her as much as Riho, Mogi, and Eripon. As I saw her happiness and energy, she moved into the top three that I definitely wanted into the group (along with Mogi and Riho.) But once she was in, I was totally unprepared for her randomness and mimicry. She amazes with each new impersonation or strange thing that she brings up (like her teddy with an afro, aww!)

Originally she got attention from her bug impressions: "the butterfly coming out of a chrysalis" and "the mantis." The Butterfly (flapping one's arms front to back) has become so popular, eventually other H!P girls began doing it, especially to mimic Zukki. It's become a regular meme, done at concerts or randomly inserted in other activities, like when Zukki did The Butterfly instead of the hula.

Zukki's Butterfly

Rihoriho's Version

Hidden Mantis Crouching Zukki

H!P Funny of the Week - Mari Abuse

This was supposed to be posted the first Friday of January. I am horribly behind.. perhaps this should be "Funny of the Month" instead.

Demonstrating how a certain girl uses her talents.

One of the things that got me into idols in the first place was the silly things they did on their television appearances. Yes, my first interest was sparked by a catchy, cute song (W's "Ai no Imi wo Oshiete!"), but staying up to the wee hours of the morning watching hilarious subtitled clips made them unforgettable. I was hooked, in love with their silly personalities, an H!P fan forever. I don't think that would have happened just by watching their music videos. I might have just moved on to the next catchy song.

One such show that I enjoyed finding clips of was Utaban. Two hosts making fun of their guests equals pure awesome. I especially liked when they made fun of Mari Yaguchi. She's so cute when she's embarrassed. Like when the hosts got a hold of her photobook shot in Vietnam...

Yaguchi's such a pervert! Her photobook even made a baby Momo cry!

Another awesome clip, but now missing from YouTube, was when Morning Musume took questions from an audience of children:

[Kid's question: Do idols fart?]


Ishibashi: That's from Ayaka, in grade 2.


Masahiro Nakai: Ayaka-chan?


Ayaka: Yes?


Nakai: Ayaka-chan, what did your mother tell you?


Ayaka: She said that idols never fart.

Source

Mari, unsure of destroying the kid's fantasy, eventually admits to letting out silent ones...

Masahiro Nakai: Yaguchi, don't go half-way! Those silent ones stink even worse!

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When Mari says that everyone farts, Charmy doesn't look too happy, heheh. Poor Mari~ I make silent farts, too, and my family teases me just like those hosts did to her! I have a lot of respect for her admitting it on TV, though, and I think the kids respected her for it, too. Maybe that's why kids seem to like her a lot. She's both silly and honest. And cute!

Click here for more hilarious quotes from Utaban!